Fiztgerald over African Tea

I think I drove home the point that I have a lot of alone time in this town. Lol. Although it would have been absolutely pragmatic of me to study for the LSATs, pragmatism is far less alluring than wallowing in self pity, and spicing it up with the absolutely romantic activity of reading people like Hemingway, Fitzgerald and Garcia. Just finished This Side of Paradise and wanted to share a few insights:



A)For anyone who is contemplating the absurdity and complexity of the social scene at Harvard, with its archaic divisions and bizarre insularity, read the chapter ‘Spires and Gargoyles’; Amory Blaine’s (protagonist) first two years at Princeton. His dreams to ‘make it’ and ultimately get a bid (punch, tap, rush, whatever the right terminology is) from one of the more prestigious ‘eating clubs’ made me slap my knee with laughter, ironic laughter—so little has changed (for some people, though) since the 1910’s. For heavens.


B)“[…] These quarter-educated, stale-minded men such as your friend here, who think they think. Every question that comes up, you’ll find his type in the usual ghastly muddle One minute it’s the ‘brutality and inhumanity of these Prussians’—the next it’s ‘we ought to exterminate the whole German people.’ They always believe that ‘things are in a bad way now,’ but they ‘haven’t any faith in these idealists.’ One minute they call Wilson ‘just a dreamer, not practical’—a year later they rail at him for making his dream realities. They haven’t clear logical ideas on one single subject except a sturdy, solid opposition to all change. They don’t think uneducated people should be highly paid, but they won’t see that if they don’t pay the uneducated people their children are going to be uneducated too, and we’re going round and round in a circle. That—is the great middle class!” - pg 255
The second quote tickled my fancy in so many different ways. First, in my defense, I am not as quite as sardonically elitist as the Amory Blaine who uttered those words. Or so I hope. In fact, my fear is that I am, unwittingly and clearly unwillingly, becoming one of the quarter-educated, stale-minded (wo)men in the aforementioned quote. I do not see myself as someone who instinctively goes against change, but I do see myself falling into a vicious cycle of criticism-for-the-sake-of criticism. Criticism, warranted or not, is the easiest way to earn distinction, and prove cleverness, albeit shallow. It is hard to get recognized by agreeing. Simple example: in section, how many times have I criticized the author, simply for something intelligent sounding to get through the day? Intelligent in the sense of intellectually gimmicky, definitely not wise.


But what is so wrong about being the great middle class. I mean, nothing, if you are asking me about being part of the middle class, income-wise. Hell, that is still a pretty good life, especially in a country like America. But what is personally unacceptable for me is resulting in a ‘stale-minded’ person after the sort of education I was fortunate enough to fall upon. My scholarship pays me around 50,000 dollars a year (…I think that’s about right) to go to Harvard. That would probably be enough money to help irrigation in the dry Eastern Province in Rwanda, and therefore help children get three full meals a day. The trauma counselor/psychiatrist in Bugesera District would finally be able to prescribe the medicine she wants to, and make all the housecalls she needs to for thousands in her area who suffer from acute PTSD till this day with that money—for years. When your education alone costs more than the money people require to simply function as an individual, whether it be physically or psychologically, it is hard not to wonder, if you are turning out to be your money’s worth. If the invisible hand of, well, the universe, had a way of redirecting resources to something more lucrative, would I still be a good investment?



The struggle to not end one’s story, with the exclamation: “I know myself, but that is all—“